Directed by Gerard Johnstone
Language: English
Year: 2023
Shaun’s Rating: 2.0/5 ★
Before Watching:
After seeing Leos Carax’s Annette (2021) at Cannes, I thought I was ready to swear off campy psychological thrillers centered around fashion-forward uncanny girl-dolls. But from the instant I was graced with the trailer for Jason Blum and James Wan’s M3GAN, that aversion was placed on the metaphorical doll shelf. At first blush, the film has a lot going for it—distribution by Universal Pictures, production by the genius behind the Saw and The Conjuring franchises, and an unspeakably yassified centerpiece. Of course, the acting was inevitably horrible, and the story made little-to-no sense, but I actually ended up enjoying the majority of the movie. M3GAN is (somehow) a hoot, but only after you reconceptualize of the film as a self-aware spoof and not as actual horror, lest you be actually horrified by its shortcomings.
Allison Williams (of “You know I can’t give you the keys, right babe?” fame)1 stars as the frustrated but brilliant roboticist Gemma, weathering the challenges of being a cog in her boss David’s (Ronny Chieng) toy industry corporate machine. Is Chieng’s acting good? Not at all, but he seems like de Niro compared to most of the supporting cast. Universal even pulled Brian Jordan Alvarez into the payroll to portray Gemma’s technician coworker Cole (don’t get me started on my objections to the viral-content-creator-to-actor pipeline, which is particularly egregious in this level of blockbuster). When Gemma’s niece Cady is sent to live with her, Gemma employs her professional skills to build Cady a companion in the form a life-sized robot doll called the Model 3 Generative Android. Some might see “endangering a child with an untested prototype,” but Gemma clearly sees “innovation.” Cady takes quite fondly to M3gan, whose stated objection function is to keep Cady safe and happy (and to positively slay a pair of rimless sunglasses with an oversized satin bow), but this toy turns out to be less Buzz Lightyear and more Chucky.
Lots has been said about M3gan’s appearance: she has the top-shelf wardrobe to signal just how premium she would actually be on Amazon2, she bears a striking resemblance to Renesmee from the Twilight franchise, etc. But within the context of a film that is—let’s face it—crap, the meme of M3gan’s queen bitch energy is a beacon of entertainment (in fact, it’s the only reason why the movie scores above a 0.5 on my scale). The movie itself isn’t even particularly scary, it’s mostly just violent and bizarre, to the extent that it only requires getting in the right rhythm to laugh while Barbie Surgeon becomes Barbie Butcher. Above all else, this doll slays (in both senses).
M3GAN premiered in December and can now be seen in U.S. theaters.
After Watching:
My highlights mostly stem from M3gan’s aforementioned style. Her bursting into song, her menagerie of educational facts and features, and her sequence of Met Gala-worthy looks are all so iconic that they eclipse the plot itself. The film also mixes in some timely commentary about parenting via technology (at times a bit too nail-in-the-head, er, I mean—nail-on-the-head…), which is cohesive enough to avoid the whole production feeling unmotivated.
The lowlights are obvious: acting and writing. Universal commits the classic face-plant of watering down horror to slide in under a PG-13 rating—not that this film needs more gore or vulgarity, but it’s difficult for punches to pack a punch with such restrictions on dialogue and visual effects. Other parts of the story are far-fetched even for this ridiculous premise, including how quickly M3gan goes from malfunctioning chatbot (RIP Google’s stock price) to Ultron. There is also no sensible reason for her to change her primary user to herself and develop rampant bloodlust, but hey, who’s counting? Not to mention the endlessly overdone horror clichés, like the dead dog, the insufferable victims, the clueless police…
Perhaps the weirdest transgression of the film is its most iconic: M3gan’s infamous dance. It is simultaneously effortlessly fantastic and so labored that it baffles the mind. Does it serve? Yaaass. Does it fit into the story at all? No, ma’am. It may be true that well-behaved Megans rarely make history, but I hope the sequel at least invests in better writers.
Another fun fact, she was also in my residential college (dorm building) at Yale.
As Ronny Chieng asks, “More or less than a Tesla?”